International Day of Happiness: Why Happiness Is More Than Just a Feeling

Every year on March 20th, we’re reminded to celebrate happiness. Yet for many people, happiness feels distant, unclear, or even out of reach. 

You might be keeping up with responsibilities, achieving milestones, doing everything expected of you, and still feel like something is missing. 

As a society, we’ve been sold a version of happiness that looks like a highlight reel. However, reality shows us something very different.  

Happiness is not a place you reach. It’s a skill you develop over time. 

We’ve Been Thinking About Happiness the Wrong Way 

In 2011, Martin Seligman, widely regarded as the father of positive psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, introduced the PERMA model of wellbeing. 

The model outlines five core components that contribute to a fulfilling life: 

• Positive emotions  

• Engagement 

• Relationships 

• Meaning  

• Accomplishment  

  
  

While these may seem straightforward, an important point often gets overlooked; that is these are not passive experiences. Each of these areas requires consistent attention and intentional effort over time. 

A similar insight emerges from long-term research conducted by Harvard University, which followed participants over several decades to better understand what contributes to happiness across a lifetime. 

Contrary to common assumptions, the findings did not point to wealth, success, or status. 

Instead, the most reliable predictor of long-term happiness was the quality of close relationships. Despite this, in today’s fast-paced and digitally connected world, meaningful relationships are often the first to be deprioritized. 

The More You Try to Be Happy, The Harder It Gets 

If there’s one pattern that comes up again and again, it’s this: the more directly people pursue happiness, the more out of reach it can begin to feel. 

When happiness becomes something, we are constantly trying to achieve, it can quietly turn into pressure. We start noticing when we’re not feeling happy, questioning ourselves, and wondering what’s missing. 

Over time, this can create a sense that something is wrong, even in completely normal moments of stress, boredom, or uncertainty. 

In that sense, happiness doesn’t behave like a goal you can simply reach. 

Happiness, it turns out, is more like a shadow; it follows you when you stop chasing it. It tends to follow when we're engaged in something meaningful and slips away when we focus too hard on trying to hold onto it. 

So, what actually supports a deeper sense of wellbeing? 

Not constant positivity, but: 

• a sense of meaning in what we do 

• genuine connection with others 

• and the ability to be present in our everyday lives 

If Happiness Feels Out of Reach, Start Here 

1. Pleasure feels good, but meaning sustains you

We often associate happiness with feeling good in the moment. Taking a break after a long day, enjoying something comforting, or doing things that help us relax. These moments do matter, and they can give us a temporary lift when we need it. 

However, they don’t always last, and many people notice that the feeling fades quicker than expected. 

That’s because there is a difference between momentary pleasure and a deeper sense of meaning. While pleasure brings short-term comfort, meaning comes from feeling that your actions align with your values, that what you do has purpose, and that your life is moving in a direction that matters to you. 

This sense of meaning may not always feel exciting, but it provides something more stable and lasting. 

Over time, happiness becomes more sustainable when your life feels meaningful, not just enjoyable. 

2. Gratitude works best when it is felt, not just practiced

Gratitude is often recommended as a way to improve wellbeing, but it can easily become a routine where we list things without really engaging with them. 

When that happens, the practice starts to feel mechanical and loses its impact. 

Instead, gratitude tends to be more effective when it is approached with intention and attention. Rather than trying to note multiple things at once, it can be more helpful to focus on a single moment and reflect on why it mattered. 

This might be a small interaction, a sense of relief, or a quiet moment during the day. 

Taking a few seconds to sit with that experience and fully notice it can make the practice feel more genuine and meaningful. 

In that sense, gratitude is less about counting what is good and more about truly experiencing it. 

3. Connection is built through presence, not performance 

In today’s digital environment, it is easy to feel like we are constantly connected, yet still experience a sense of distance or loneliness. 

Part of this comes from the way we interact, where a lot of our energy goes into presenting ourselves rather than being fully present with others. 

However, meaningful connection is less about how we appear and more about how we engage. It involves giving attention, listening without distraction, and allowing a degree of openness in our interactions. 

These moments do not have to be deep or intense to be meaningful. Even brief, genuine conversations can have a noticeable impact on how we feel. 

Connection does not require perfection; it requires presence. 

You Don’t Have to Feel Happy to Be Mentally Well 

This is one of the most important things to understand when we talk about happiness and mental health. 

Feeling happy all the time is not the goal of mental wellbeing. 

In psychology, there is a concept known as ‘flourishing’, which refers to a more balanced and realistic state of wellbeing. It doesn’t mean constant positivity, but rather the ability to experience a full range of emotions, make sense of them, and continue to move forward despite them. 

This includes: 

• experiencing emotions as they come 

• being able to process and cope with them 

• and gradually growing through those experiences 

Emotions such as sadness, frustration, or fear are not signs that something is wrong. They are a natural and necessary part of being human. 

What tends to affect our wellbeing more is not the presence of these emotions, but the pressure to avoid or suppress them. 

If life feels heavy right now, or if simply getting through the day feels like enough, it does not mean you are failing at happiness. 

It may simply mean that you are in a phase that requires care, patience, and understanding rather than performance. 

At CRINK, our psychologists offer a safe, confidential, and judgment-free space to explore your thoughts, emotions, and experiences at your own pace. Whether you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or simply curious about your wellbeing, we’re here to support you in a way that feels right for you. 

Because sometimes, happiness isn’t something you chase. It’s something you understand, gently and over time.