Are We Chasing Happiness the Wrong Way?

Happiness is often seen as the final goal—something we should constantly strive for, with a life free of negativity or challenges. But what if we’ve been pursuing happiness in the wrong way all along? 

I recently came across an article by Jennifer Moss titled ‘Happiness Isn’t the Absence of Negative Feelings’, which offers a refreshing perspective on this commonly misunderstood concept. Moss shares a personal experience that shifted her understanding of Happiness, one that might make us rethink how we approach it. 

Her story begins with her husband’s serious illness, during which he explored various books and research on Happiness, Brain trauma, and Gratitude. One idea that stood out to him was the Power of Gratitude, which led him to start a Gratitude journal. Remarkably, his health improved significantly. Moss attributes this change not to luck, but to the profound impact of shifting one’s mindset and practices toward gratitude and positivity. 

The PERMA Model of Happiness 

A key element of Moss's new outlook on happiness draws on the work of Martin Seligman, a psychologist often referred to as the founding father of positive psychology. In his book ‘Flourish’, Seligman outlines a framework for well-being called ‘PERMA’, which consists of five elements that contribute to overall life satisfaction:  

Positive Emotion: Experiencing emotions such as peace, gratitude, satisfaction, love, and hope. 

Engagement: Being deeply involved in activities that cause you to lose track of time, a state often referred to as ‘flow’. 

Relationships: Building positive, meaningful connections with others. 

Meaning: Contributing to something greater than yourself. 

Achievement: Striving for personal growth and accomplishment. 

By incorporating aspects of positive psychology, Moss transformed her view on the pursuit of happiness. She realized that Happiness isn’t just about seeking pleasure or avoiding pain—it’s about incorporating gratitude, empathy, and meaning into daily life.  

Rethinking Happiness  

Dr. Vanessa Buote, a researcher quoted by Moss, emphasizes that happiness is often misinterpreted as being cheerful or smiling all the time but in reality, true happiness is about learning to embrace both good and bad experiences. When we set our end goal as being happy, we miss finding things that bring us happiness and engaging with them regularly. The process of living with purpose and meaning is just as important as the destination of happiness itself. 

Interestingly, research from Harvard University supports the idea that experiencing a wide range of emotions—both positive and negative—is linked to better mental and physical well-being which challenges the common belief that happiness requires constant positive feelings and no negative emotions. In conclusion, happiness isn’t about avoiding suffering; it’s about how we bounce back from it. Often confused with moments of joy or ecstasy, true happiness includes contentment, well-being, and emotional flexibility. Practices like mindfulness and stress management aren’t about eliminating challenges—they’re   about preparing ourselves to handle them with grace. 

So, rather than chasing a perfect state of happiness, we must start to embrace a range of emotions that can make us more resilient and improve our overall quality of life.